Just Another Day in the Lab

Rating: PG
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Fringe does not belong to me.

He was hunched over one of the lab benches when she came in, though that wasn't unusual. She put her bag down and turned on her computer, trying to make as little noise as possible so as not to disturb him.

But he heard her, of course.

“Oh!” he said, turning around. “As--”

“Astrid,” she said automatically.

“Dear girl, I know your name,” he said. “I'm glad you're here. Taste this!” And he practically bounded over to her, brandishing a bowl of something smooshy and bright yellow.

“Walter, what is that?” she asked, eying the bowl suspiciously.

“Hummus!” he said.

“I have never seen hummus look like that,” she said.

“It's my own special recipe,” Walter replied, waving the bowl under her nose. “I added some secret ingredients!”

“Walter.” She kept her voice measured. Despite the way it looked, it did kind of smell like hummus, but there was no telling with him. “You didn't put hallucinogens in it, did you?”

“Of course not,” he said, as if the very idea would have never occurred to him. “I promised Peter I would only try out those kinds of recipes on the rats.” He waved a hand in the direction of the rat cage.

Astrid instinctively glanced over at the cage, and what she saw made her heart flip-flop in her chest. “Where are the rats, Walter?”

“Hm?” He looked over at the cage, too, and it took him a moment to see what Astrid had already seen: the cage was empty, and the hatch was open. “Ah! Yes. I was running an experiment on them earlier. Fascinating, really. I found that applying just the right voltage to the appropriate areas of the brain would make them dance to--”

“Did you put them back into the cage when you were done?” Astrid asked, less concerned with dancing rats than with dancing rats that were possibly loose in the lab.

Walter looked at the empty cage and open hatch for a moment. “I could have sworn I did.” He looked around, at the floor, the walls, under Astrid's computer desk. “Yes,” he finally concluded. “I am almost positive I did.” “But the cage is empty,” Astrid gently pointed out.

“Yes,” said Walter. “So my conclusion is wrong.” He took one last look at the cage. “I'm sorry, Astrid. I thought I put them back, but I had an idea for what to add to my hummus and--”

“That's okay,” said Astrid. “We'll just have to find them. Quickly.” She was already having visions of rat droppings in the expensive equipment and getting a call from the dean about rodents dancing down the halls of Harvard.

“Oh, I doubt they'll still be in the lab,” Walter said, but Astrid had already spotted movement behind him.

“There,” she whispered, pointing to a rat—wearing a series of rat-sized electrodes on its head—poking its nose into a second bowl of hummus on Walter's bench.

“I was wrong again,” said Walter sadly, but Astrid had already grabbed an empty trash can and was sneaking up behind the rat. She held a finger to her lips, telling Walter to be quiet. Closer, closer she crept, raising the trash can and bringing it down.

The rat ran; the only thing Astrid trapped was the hummus.

She dashed after the rat as it ran behind the isolation tank and cowered in a corner. “Walter, help me!” she said.

He wrung his hands. “What should I do?”

“Go around to the other side of the tank.” She pointed. “Don't let him escape that way.”

“Okay,” he said, taking his position. “Though I think I should tell you, that one's female. Her name is Annie.”

“You named them?” said Astrid, but she wasn't really surprised. “And you know which is which just by looking at them?”

“Rats are unique creatures,” he said shortly.

“Okay, unique, got it.” She crouched down, trash can at the ready. “Now do something to scare her my way.”

Walter looked scandalized. “I don't want to traumatize her!”

“She'll get over it!”

“Rats are very sensitive,” he said. “If I frighten her she'll have to be kept in isolation for at least twenty-four hours to return her metabolism to baseline before I can run any more tests.”

“I'm sure she'll appreciate the vacation,” said Astrid. Her legs were starting to cramp.

Walter's face lit up. “Yes, vacation! That's a good idea.” And he crouched down and made shooing motions with his hands toward the rat. “Go! Go, Annie! The nice lady with the trash can won't hurt you.”

The rat didn't move.

Walter looked up at Astrid. “I don't think she believes me.”

“Here.” Astrid handed the trash can to Walter. “I'll scare her out, and you trap her. Maybe she trusts you more.” Crouching down again, she banged on the side of the tank and made “wooooooo” noises until the rat backed up and ran out the other side. Walter held down the trash can, but Annie bypassed it entirely, making her way toward the back of the lab.

“Walter!” Astrid said, standing up. “She's not going to just walk into it!”

“I was hoping,” he said.

Astrid took back the trash can.

All in all, it took them a good half hour to herd Annie into a corner that she couldn't find another way out of, and Astrid was able to step in and scoop her into the trash can. Walter took the rat out by her tail and dropped her back into the cage, carefully closing the hatch. The rat was still wearing its electrodes.

“Okay,” said Astrid, taking a deep breath. “How many more?”

“Nine,” said Walter. He was poking his fingers into the rat cage, making cooing noises. Annie was having none of it; she half-buried herself in the straw in the corner of the cage, curling into a tight ball.

Astrid sighed and went to find another trash can.

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